Awaiting the atomic war

Living in the shadows of great discoveries and great people, you might often wonder what is it about life that’s worth living…Here’s one thought…Maybe it’s not worth living…Are those great discoveries really important? Or for that matter, those people? Most of you would probably say yes, they are…but, for whom are they important? For the world, of course, but even if the world changes, and people’s way of life changes, one thing remains the same… human nature! Ironically, people have been trying to avoid human nature for as long as the term society has been invented. I’m not trying to say that society is a bad thing, but we’ve all lived and are still living a life against out nature because of society rules.
What about those other people from the times of every person ever to make a discovery, were all of their lives wasted? So, the person living a mediocre life, or a poor life, even a crime life can consider his/hers life wasted, because that person was only important to few or none of the people in his life.
Death seems more and more as a salvation from all the frustrations of everyday life. As every John and Mary goes to work every single day without any purpose but money, we have so many variables in our life and so few constants, that we don’t really know what’s real and/or good, and even for people that think they know, those facts are questionable and uncertain whenever other people with different opinions present their facts, their realities, and their idea of goodness.

Alone

Tonight I found a piece of myself I thought was missing...but it was a part of me...

I've been trying so hard to make myself available to other people that I forgot to see myself as I was...Alone...as there is no one that want to see me just for what I am but for what they want me to be...

Everyone has conceived a person so perfect that anyone whom they've met seem to be anything but perfect...and we love to criticize because it makes us seem closer to that perfect person that we, in fact, created...

So I ask myself...should I try to be that person...that perfect person..?

No, I shouldn't...even if that means I should be alone for the rest of my life...I won't try to be perfect...or anything remotely similar to perfect...to hell with it...it seems as if I will marry loneliness.. So "Loneliness, I love you, will you marry me?"

Pathetic as it may be...thinking about it makes it even more fun...will I ever be hurt? Nope...it won't cheat on me...it won't say that I’m pathetic...it won't judge me for what I think...as most people do without thinking about their own flaws...

We've all been thinking that if we had a person to take care of, that person will make the world better for us...and what if...that person makes the world better?…
You remain the same and that better world won't accept you...What if...you find a person that you think will make the world better, but that person...won't even look at you...so...I ask myself...should you care about that?...nope...it will only make you feel like the tiny useless meaningless piece of shit that you are..

I said I found myself...yes I did...I am alone...and it's not just a state of mind...it's a statement of who I am... could that change?...maybe...maybe it's just this night that makes me feel this way...but maybe we are all alone...think about it...do you think that anyone...anyone...could ever really really know you?

Adulterul

De obicei suntem atrasi de ce ni se interzice. Poate de aceea adulterul, ca unul din pacatele decalogului biblic, si cel mai intens dintre instinctele animalice umane, este cel mai atragator dintre toate proverbialele “fructe oprite” …in afara de calugarite si preoti, dar si ei sunt oameni. De multe ori, in incercarea disperata de a ne absolvi de o “constiinta incarcata”, alte preconceptii juvenile intervin, adica “suflete pereche”, sau “dragoste la prima vedere”, sau chiar “fructul oprit” in sine.

Este mai greu poate de inteles atunci cand adulterul se petrece dupa multi ani de casnicie, desi cred ca este mult mai probabil, avand in vedere exagerata si constanta nevoie de inedit a omului secolului 21.

Pornind de la aceste idei, se pare ca biblia, ca si manual moral al majoritatii umanitatii, ne spune practic sa ne luptam cu instinctele animalice. Postul reglementeaza, sau cel putin asa vad eu ideea, tendinta de a manca haotic, iar ideea de adulter reglementeaza dorintele sexuale, care in regnul animal complet (incluzand omul) ar duce, in cazul speciei umane, la suprapopulare. Cred ca nu trebuie sa fii zeitate atotstiutoare ca sa-ti dai seama ca daca nu mananci cum trebuie vei avea o sanatate precara, iar daca sexul n-ar fi limitat monogam, cat de cat, explozia demografica ar fi si mai mare decat in ultimul secol.

Din toate astea, “IUBIREA” devine deci, fie expresia monogama a conceptiei biblice, fie atragatorul “fruct oprit”.

In primul caz, ni se spune ca cineva ne este sortit, o singura persoana pana murim, si chiar daca nu o gasim, tot trebuie sa ne casatorim, ca astfel viata ne va fi mai buna. O prostie, evident, si inca una contradictorie doar si pentru faptul ca este imposibil sa fii atras, atat fizic, cat si intelectual, moral, etc. de o singura persoana toata viata.

In al doilea caz, putem accepta ca nu vom iubi o singura persoana toata viata, iar monogamia, in sensul unui singur sot/sotie, casatoria, ne ajuta sa credem ca daca am stat cu o singura persoana, exista scuza “fructului oprit” pentru cazul in care…am “calcat stramb”.

Putem intelege deci, ca iubirea este ca un reflex dobandit, pavlovian; daca atractia este suficient de puternica, ii spunem iubire, si consideram ca acea persoana trebuie sa fie aceea de care ni se spune ca este cea cu care trebuie sa ne petrecem toata viata. Sub nici o forma deci, nu poate fi un reflex innascut, natural, pentru ca exista celelalte atractii, fata de alte persoane pe care le intalnim dupa acea prima puternica atractie ce a dus la monogamie, “adulterul”.

The storyteller

How hard is it to invent a story? The context? You’re meeting old friends and you don’t want to tell them…your life sucks…you are stuck just as much as the next person in the usual day-to-day routine, your love life is as boring as next fellow’s, no amorous escapades and the job doesn’t bring as much satisfaction as you would like.
So, since by now everyone is familiar with lies, and the fact that everybody lies, you decide to re-invent your life. Most people, thinking about this, would say that it’s easy, that the lie you are about to tell is the fantasy life you’ve been planning when you have nothing to do. Right? So you don’t tell them that your schedule sheet is blank, you tell them you have plenty to do. For example, running in the park where btw you met an incredibly beautiful girl that you swept of her feet by telling her she didn’t need to exercise and that she reminded you of your ex which is painful because you are so romantic and the bitch cheated and then she takes you back to her place for an afternoon treat. That kind of story telling. Even though this sounds like penthouse forum.
But what if the storyteller isn’t satisfied with just telling that story? So, he decides to embellish it as much as he can, within the limits of reality. So he decides to tell them that he called the girl and she agreed to go out with him since she had such a great time the other day. Would that story become the new fantasy life? And if so, would the story teller want that life for real? And if he realized that the invented life is possible and that it could be more than fantasy, would he pursue it? What would happen then? Would he be happy since his original life story wasn’t enough for him to tell? Probably not. Because even though most beautiful girls are gullible and most of them had issues with former boyfriends therefore are easily impressed by stories about the ex, they wouldn’t look at guys in need of gym practice and runs in the park. Or if they did look, it wasn’t for afternoon delights.
Morality comes to mind, since morality is highly linked to religion, and there are a few capital sins involved like lies and coveting.
Is it a sin to dream? Do the sins that we imagine count as the real sins?

ps. this story does NOT depict in any way real persons or events of real life...they only exist in my imagination..also called the twilight zone...